Sunday, March 18, 2012

Who Am I? What Defines Me?

Recently, I watched a Mormon messages video about Nie Nie, a burn victim who shares her message of the gospel with everyone. I related so much with the things that she felt in terms of becoming a different person because of the accident, and trying to figure out what my purpose is. As of right now, I am struggling because I don't know where I fit in this whole picture. I don't know what I should be doing.

I'm almost graduating from college, and I still don't have a plan for what to do next.  Sometimes, in moments of impulse, I just want to pick up and move to Japan to teach English for a year.  But of course, I need to think it through with my husband and look at options.  In the meantime, I will continue to do my best in school, stay involved, get good grades, and maybe it will lead to graduate school...Consulting with my Heavenly Father will help me figure out how to go about doing this.  Whatever it is, I want to keep my family close and involved.  I want to make a difference in this world with the knowledge I have worked so hard to acquire.  There's so much going on in the world: famine, war, infectious diseases...We need to do something!

Sometimes, I am overwhelmed with the new me.  I am overwhelmed with cannot's.  I cannot reach that, I cannot do this, I cannot go there... Physical limitations get pretty annoying and stressful.  I had one of those bouts of cannot's today, and I just really missed the old me--be able to get around with facility, go places by myself (long flights), cook and clean easily, exercise -- everything with ease. It gets pretty easy to feel sorry for myself, but there is still so much I can do.  I need to remember this because moping around and complaining is not going to help with anything.  I need to keep positive thoughts in my reserve for these times when I'm battling for my self-confidence.  I need to carry on and live my life better than I have been.

There are many physical limitations, and I do wish those were returned to me, but I don't think I will ever give up what I know now about my Lord, Jesus Christ, and the experiences I've gained thus far.  I have been so blessed with other talents that don't require legs and stomach balance (definitely struggling with that).  I'm inspired by Nie Nie figure out where I can put my talents to best use and match up my goals, and I'm optimistic about the end result because of my faith in God and Jesus Christ.  At the end of my life, I hope that I will have figured out what defines me...maybe the love I have for people or the work I do for them.  I hope most of all to be known as a good person and a good friend :)

Click here for Nie Nie's Video
Thank you for your inspiration Nie Nie!


  1. You are such an inspiration to me, Martina! You will do great things!

  2. Oh Martina you already do and give so much and here you are seeking to do more! I have never known you to be one who mopes. You don't give yourself enough credit for how awesome you are. I agree with Amanda, you are an inspiration.